Open Letter To Jesse Jame’s Stripper Mistress

April 29, 2010

Open Letter To Jesse Jame’s Stripper Mistress, Melissa Smith: Stop With The Tabloids, You’re Screwing With My Google Ranks.

adultery is all well and good until someone starts screwing with my Google results.

It’s pretty easy to dominate search results when you are the only Melissa Smich on the face of the planet (as far as I know… but really, if you’re not on Google, do you exist?).

Until a tattooed, stripping home wrecker with a similar name starts taking over headlines and claiming some of my Google juice.

I know Tiger made adultery all cool and hip-with-the-celebs, the way sex tapes were circa 2005… but please, Melissa Smith, if you choose to continue on your white-trash adaptation – do so discreetly.

Its hard enough being a woman on the web, but also having one’s page ranking sprinkled with homewrecking  strippers is really not cool. Especially ones that still use fax machines (wtf?? I can’t be associated with fax machines!!!).

If you continue, I will be forced to shake my fist at you.

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5 Responses to “Open Letter To Jesse Jame’s Stripper Mistress”


  1. This is exactly why I started using my middle name as my first name for this kind of stuff – it’s ridiculous how often “Ryan Price” comes up on the internet


  2. lol I have a cousin w/the same name

  3. Mark Says:

    There’s something deliciously ironic about the fact that a super-rare name (viz. Melissa Smich) is being treated the same as what must be a super-common name (Melissa Smith). Weird.

    There’s only one thing for it. Start writing as Smichie McGuire.


  4. hahaha

    Smitchie McGuire FTW!!!


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