Social Media and The Effects on Friendship

I’ve been chatting a lot lately with people about social media’s effect on friendship. I think our hyper-connectivity may be a major dilemma of our (rather, my) generation.

On one side, studies upon studies have shown the human brain cannot process these mass amounts of “friends” with whom we’ve developed these online relationships.

On the other, our hyper connectivity has contributed to larger and more diverse social networks, greater brain function and making us the greatest generation of networkers.

Personally, these social tools have been the source of jobs, friends, roommates, lovers and even bitter battles. I’ve been able to leverage them to get free shit like tickets to events and, most recently, an iPod touch. I’ve been able to meet cool people on random trips and stay close with them for years after – all thanks to these social media tools.

As an online relationship connoisseur, here’s how I address some of the concerns I hear about.

“Social Media Breeds Social Isolation”

For one, I keep hearing people’s concerns that social media interaction hinders one’s ability and enthusiasm to connect with people IRL (in real life). Studies, like the one from The Wall Street Journal, actually show it enhances one’s abilities to connect with people in real life.

The reason social media has become such an invaluable communications tool is because of its PeLiMe factor (people like me).

Say for example you are really into knitting and all your friends think that it’s a lame activity and that you, yourself, are lame for liking it, then your world can appear small and dark.

Then you find an online knitting enthusiasts community, and these like-minded people make you feel special and accepted. It may be an echo chamber, but at least you are with like-minded people who accept you for the person you like to be.

Take it a step further – turns out ten of these people are actually located in the same city as you. Suddenly you can have an IRL knitting group, and these new friends you are meeting in person already accept you. What a beautiful world.

There have always been and always will be people who are introverted, socially awkward, socially anxious, or even just completely uninterested in human interactions. If anything, I think social media will be (and has been) a huge help in getting these people out of their shells.

To say that “Bobby chooses to stay in and play on chatroulette instead of going outside to play with the other kids” is this generation’s “blame television” or “rock and roll music made him do it.” If you are not using these social tools to further your in-person relationships, then you are using them wrong.

“Social Media Creates Fake Friends and Relationships”

The next concern I’ve heard is that social media contributes to “fake” friends. These interactions are considered “fake” because they fall into one of the following three categories: 1) People you don’t actually know in IRL 2) People you don’t actually like in IRL, yet are a part of your online networks or 3) People who are afraid of broadcasting real, personal things about themselves; Therefore, their online profiles, blogs, status updates, etc are not sincere reflections of who they really are.

I don’t think its Social Media’s fault…We’re all guilty of “friending” people we don’t necessarily like; but, alas, ‘tis the age of voyeurism… If you don’t like it, don’t add people you don’t know.

Thanks to privacy settings, one can control how much information these friends-for-the-sake-of-facebook have access to. In fact, the beautiful thing about social media is that you can choose precisely who can and cannot contact you. Yes – you can block the fakes, the annoying, the etceteras…

Additionally, I’m afraid the public-facing-vanilla-personality bullshit did not begin – nor will it end – with social media. People have been dull, two-faced and afraid to be real from the beginning of time. These social tools have simply amplified it. Self-actualization is at the top of the totem pole for a reason.

While it’s always advisable to have a filter, privacy standards in place and practice, and common sense – being yourself online (like in business) helps you to stand out and develop a personal brand. While all these vanillas will never change, a part of me hopes one day they will – in person and online. Until then, it will be easier for people like myself (I’m pretty boring, really) to stand out and leverage these tools (for friends, jobs and free shit) by simply trying to be myself (with common sense and privacy in mind).